This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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