Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
