Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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