Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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