apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
