When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
