So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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