Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
