I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
