stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
