Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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