the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
