I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
