I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
