Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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