she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
