I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
