Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
