Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
