i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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