When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So many bounce houses so little time
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
