you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
