it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
