please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
