Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
