Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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