I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
