I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
