She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
