By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
