Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
