Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
