We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
