May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
