Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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