I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
