someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
