did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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