I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
