So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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