my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
