i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We smell like vodka and hangover
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
