Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
