Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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