Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
