I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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