Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
