I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
