OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
