IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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