That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
