Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Porn is love you can see.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
