you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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