I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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