No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
